I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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