every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
