Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
