The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
