We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
