I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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