hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
