mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
