you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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