I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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