I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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