I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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