Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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