I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
