I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
