i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
