Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you

Fav 18 1140 2369
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.

Fav 10 942 4612
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(734): View more from Michigan

I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Fav 5 2177 1399
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(316): View more from Kansas

Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?

Fav 7 2546 2158
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(480): View more from Arizona

You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.

Fav 30 1542 1978
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.

Fav 12 4656 1411
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(417): View more from Missouri

I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.

Fav 23 4075 1180
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(740): View more from Ohio

You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.

Fav 4 391 225
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.

Fav 0 46 2
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