chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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