sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
