Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
