Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
