I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
