Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
