why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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