Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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