that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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