there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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