i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
