So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
