Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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