im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont even know how to be here
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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