if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
