it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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