When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
