You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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