I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How external is "for external use only"?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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