please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
