I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
