The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
