Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have tasted many bathrooms
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
