Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
