His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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