The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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