Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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