You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize