Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
