Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
