We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
