What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
