I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
