rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
