I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
