I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
