U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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