Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
