you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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