I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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