it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
