I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
