i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
