we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
