So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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