Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Screwed.edu
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
FUCK WHALES
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
