my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize