Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The beer is more important than you right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
