Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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