dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
