i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
