you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
