U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Watching her eat just hurts me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
